Imperfection is Everyone (But never an excuse)

I'm being constantly reminded of the frailty and imperfection of the human mold. I can forever "strive" to be a "good" person, and yet I will never achieve "goodness". I will never be "Christlike". My revelation, however, has been that, though I will never achieve perfection, I must still give my all in and to those things and people I care about most, and I must always "strive" to be like Him. This battle will never be won. This battle will be ongoing. This battle will be all consuming. But I must persevere.

I want to share with you guys the lyrics to an unreleased Dewinter song in which I feel addresses this subject somewhat. I do know that when I wrote them, I was feeling inadequate and questioning a lot of things about what I believed. There is a freedom in questioning. The important thing to remember is to be extremely guarded while you are doing so. . I wish we could have had the chance to play it live but I'll settle for the release of the lyrics in this blog.

Dewinter - The Same Conditions

Can we truly know
Where do we all go?
And is our self control
out of our control?

The questions burning deep inside our souls
Are the same conditions of the human mold.

I want to know precisely what occurred.
Are love and fate and God all different words?
I want to know the answers arn't all blurred.
I want to speak the truth and to be heard.

The questions burning deep within our souls
Are the same conditions of the human mold.
All the pieces of the lives you used to know
Are the symptoms of a search for something more.

I want to know the secrets of our past.
I want to make new friendships that will last.
I want to work to heal this broken world.
I want to cross the bridge from man to love.

The questions burning deep within our souls
Are the same conditions of the human mold.
All the pieces of the lives you used to know
Are the symptoms of a search for something more.

My revelation of said imperfection and the "human condition" has been a source of I guess you could say understanding. In being able to better understand the reality of our imperfection I have been better able to sympathize with and forgive others, even those who have truly hurt and wronged me. My greatest, I guess you could say, tool in this type of thinking is to do everything I can to view others through "His" eyes rather than my own. This is an extremely difficult task BECAUSE of our imperfections. It is human nature to hold grudges, to lash out, to be cruel, to be unforgiving, and to avoid resolution. These are imperfections as well. With that stated revelation I am able to sympathize not only with those who have done harm but also those who have been wronged and feel too wounded to offer up forgiveness just yet.

Our imperfections are, however, NOT an excuse to our "less than perfect" behavior if that makes any sense at all. There are too many people who live in a state of mind that, simply stated, is, "Oh, well because I'm imperfect I don't have to or need to strive to do the things I know are right. I don't have to strive for perfection because I know I will never be perfect.". This type of thinking in nothing more than an age old human excuse placed in our minds by the enemy.

Though we may never be perfect, it is important to strive for perfection. It is important to view others in a loving manner rather than in a "human" manner.

Though imperfection is a real revelation, it is NEVER an excuse and should NEVER be a comfort designed to excuse us from guilt or consequence. It is simply a revelation that can be given that can aid us in making better decisions in regards to our human relationships. Make no mistake my friends, forgiveness and love are things of God. In our quest and struggle to be the best kind of people, we must realize these truths an act upon our beliefs. These are the things I believe.

I want to strive to show love to all. I hope that when I'm not around anymore that it can be said about me that I was steadfast and that I never ceased to show or give love.

On the topic of love. huh I came across a wonderful piece of poetry this morning in a book I've been reading. I would like to share it with you all.

i have found what you are like
the rain,

(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields

easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike

the air in utterable coolness

deeds of green thrilling light
with thinned

newfragile yellows

lurch and.press

-in the woods
which
stutter
and

sing

And the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss

- E.E. Cummings

143

Psalm 39

Psalm 39

1 I said, “I will watch my ways
and keep my tongue from sin;
I will put a muzzle on my mouth
as long as the wicked are in my presence.”

2 But when I was silent and still,
not even saying anything good,
my anguish increased.

3 My heart grew hot within me,
and as I meditated, the fire burned;
then I spoke with my tongue:

4 “Show me, O LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.

5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man’s life is but a breath.       Selah

6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

8 Save me from all my transgressions;
do not make me the scorn of fools.

9 I was silent; I would not open my mouth,
for you are the one who has done this.

10 Remove your scourge from me;
I am overcome by the blow of your hand.

11 You rebuke and discipline men for their sin;
you consume their wealth like a moth—
each man is but a breath.       Selah

12 “Hear my prayer, O LORD,
listen to my cry for help;
be not deaf to my weeping.
For I dwell with you as an alien,
a stranger, as all my fathers were.

13 Look away from me, that I may rejoice again
before I depart and am no more.”

I am immortal. I am everlasting. I am eternal

I am immortal. I am everlasting. I am eternal.

When the cruel damnation of a barbarous existence beats with iron fists upon my door, I AM UNWAVERING.

When the knavish fingers of temptation's imploring hand reach out toward my reestablished calm, I AM FIRM.

When the rigors and asperities of a squandered domain bid me doth arrive, I AM RESOLUTE.

When the drunken cries of an addlebrained generation resound with charm and temporary resplendency, I AM UNDAUNTED.

Of cretins and fools I am a foreigner.

Of villains and dastards I am an alien.

Of liars and thieves I am an outlander.

Of scoundrels and perverts I am a stranger.

When the mighty reach of redeeming love tenderly raps upon my door, I AM ADMISSIVE.

When the benevolent hymns of a forgiven guild echo throughout all creation, I AM RECEPTIVE.

When amorous interest creeps timidly, tenderly into my sight and within my reach, I AM CAUTIOUS.

When true and unshakable love glides in implicit beauty down a road less traveled, I'LL BE READY.

Of decivers and scoundrels I am a foreigner.

Of jesters and jackals I am an alien.

Of deviants and tricksters I am an outlander.

Of cheaters and prevaricators I am a stranger.

I am immortal. I am everlasting. I am eternal.

In these, I am forever.

-Dragan Alexander

And Now Some Good VIDEO Tunes!

The Morning Benders - Boarded Doors

Sufjan Stevens -

For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti

She & Him - In the Sun

The Snake The Cross The Crown - On a Carousel of Sound

(head to about 1:43 for the song)

Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky Live

A Great Analogy and "Lights and Sounds"

This may very well be a very poorly written blog. I just woke up and haven't had coffee in a few days so please bear with me.

I grew up in church. I grew up singing hymns each sunday morning. I have to be honest, I really hated hymns. In fact, I still detest singing worship songs in a monotone droll simply because everyone else around me is doing so. I have a video that best describes my feelings toward this.

Tangent - Worship should be joyous or intimate; meaningful and purposeful. Wouldn't you agree?

Anyway….I detested church hymns. I detested songs like "The Old Rugged Cross" and "Stand up for Jesus". In fact, I still really don't like most of them due to their evident lack of cacoethes whilst being sung. But to say today that I don't like hymns would be a statement infinitesimal in passionate comparison to my making the same statement a year ago. I now attribute my then disposition towards hymns to 1. The said lack of passion behind their being sung and 2. My never grasping the full message conveyed in the lyrics.

That being said…..I've been visiting a new church on Tuesday's for the past couple weeks.

http://twitter.com/theporch

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2239895265&ref=mf

http://www.theporchdallas.com/

I must say, I haven't felt so impacted by any one church in a very long time. Each message that I've heard has really hit home with respect to my own life and situations. This week however, I was pretty blown away by the truth of the message so……. I feel that I must blog about it.

The last few messages have revolved around a study about the Abundant Life that only Christ has to offer. It's been really, I guess you could say, eye/ear opening hearing a message that I've often heard but in a new and more relative fashion which caters to my own age group and current situation. This week JP talked about sources of temptation - that is distractions from the abundant life we have been given. It seems so often that we trade in a life of complete abundance in Him for the temporary pleasures of this world. JP specifically related the message to the city of Dallas. Dallas is a big city filled with many more temptations than that of a small town. Big cities are simply stated, the Devil's playground. Dallas is a hard city to live in and not be negatively impacted by the "lures" of the world. These revelations, though I really already knew them, really broke me. I can look back on my life a few years ago and see the evident differences in my spiritual walk, personal life, and relationships. I attribute the "goodness" of those years to the fact that I was continually striving, while making mistakes, towards the abundant life that I KNEW He had to offer.

I KNOW now that I steadily allowed the city and a lack of spiritual involvement to draw me further away from the abundant life rather than continuing to seek after it. I KNOW now because I've been forced to see. I KNOW now because I've been forced to really reflect. I've felt so ashamed lately about the way I've allowed my life to unfold these last few years. I will say that I have grown substantially in my understanding and interpretation of those things spiritual. I attribute this learning to my being forced to delve deeper into the meaning of scripture by my school and my absence from a very dogmatic area. It detest dogma. I believe Paul did as well.

Anyway, JP drew a particular analogy this past Tuesday that I wanted to share. Let's see if I can get it right.

A pastor was walking down the street and noticed a young boy carrying a birdcage. The boy casually skipped along swinging the cage from side to side with a rather devious smile apparent. Inside the cage were three small birds, frightened and shaking.

The concerned pastor approached the young boy and questioned, "Son, what are you going to do with those birds?"

With a sinister grin the boy replied, "I'm gonna have so much fun with these birds. First I'm gonna pluck out all their feathers. Then I'm gonna tie them together and watch them try to fly away. Then I'm gonna make them fight. It's gonna be so much fun."

The pastor questioned, "Well, then what are you going to do with them?"

The boy replied. "Well, I've got a cat. I'm gonna feed them to my cat. It's going to be soooo much fun."

The pastor looked at the boy and then to the cage and pulled out his wallet. He said, "How much?"

"How much for what?", replied the boy.

"How much for those birds?"

The boy, confused and taken aback, replied, "Sir, why would you ever want these birds. Look. They're just stupid field birds. There's a whole field of them right around the corner. All you need to catch them is a net. You could head on over there right now and get as many as you want."

The pastor replied, "No. How much for THOSE birds?"

The boy still very much so confused replied, "Ten dollars?"

The pastor: "Done" and he handed the boy the money and set out to release the birds.

In the same way…..

Unbeknownst to us, Satan has many of us locked away in a cage. He meets Jesus on the road. Jesus asks Satan, "What are you going to do with those Dallas 20-somethings?"

Satan replied, "Oh, it's going to be so much fun. I'm going to get them drunk. I'm going to make them sleep with each other. I'm doing to get some of them pregnant. I'm going to give some of them diseases. I'm going to make them fight. I'm going to make them do things they regret. I'm going to tear their lives apart. I'm going to make them think that there is no point of return"

Jesus: "Well, then what are you going to do with them?"

Satan: "I'm gonna throw them away. I'm gonna empty my cage and get some new ones after these have been all used up."

Jesus says, "How much for those?"

Satan taken aback and confused says. "Why would you ever want these? There's a whole city filled with kids and young adults for you to pick from. These don't even love you. Just look at how they live their lives. They constantly party and drink and do drugs and lie. They don't go to church. They take your name in vain. They don't care about you."

Jesus says, "No. How much for THOSE?"

Satan says, "Your pain. Your tears. Your blood and Your LIFE"

Jesus: "Done."

I've got to tell you, that analogy really hit me hard. Even now as I'm typing it, I'm feeling the impact that it still has on my own life.

Back to hymns.

Immediately after JP got done speaking, the band began to play "Jesus Paid It All" - such an old hymn that I never really took the time to fully comprehend it's meaning. I don't feel like there's much of anything I can say that could ever fully convey the true meaning of the analogy I just gave or the meaning behind this song, so I'd just like to post a video with the lyrics and hope you guys are impacted by it's message in the same way that I have been - still am being. Please take some time from your busy day to really watch and comprehend the great and true meaning behind these lyrics and this song. Turn it up and free yourself from any distractions. Put down your cell phones. Turn off the television. Only then, will you be able to feel the full impact of this song and this message.

Jesus Paid It All

Sorry I got so "spiritual" there. It's just something that's really been on my heart for the past few days. I felt I needed to share it with you guys. I hope that you can too be impacted by the power of words and song in the same way that I have been.

On a separate note:

I finished recording a new song a few days ago. If you didn't know, my band, Dewinter, recently broke up and soooo I've been seeking new ways of writing and expressing myself through song. Hopefully I've have a new project up and running soon. This is the first of many songs I'll be releasing. I hope you guys like it. Don't judge too harshly because it's in no way finished, but I wanted to go ahead and give everyone a sneak peak into my new direction. Enjoy.

Dragan Alexander - Lights and Sounds

Lights and Sounds

by: Dragan Alexander (aka. Bo Michael King)

Once we were young and green

filled with fire and dreams

and heaven's rays shined down

on our home town.

We chased the lights and sounds

and tossed aside our crowns.

We traded gold for rust

and love for lust.

I don't want to be a martyr.

I don't claim to be a saint.

I'm not fit to be a soldier

or a well respected name.

I don't want to be a preacher.

I don't want to be a guide.

I'm not fit to be a teacher

though I've tried.

We tried to live and hide

our crooked schemes and lies

but heaven's rays grew dim

with each new sin.

We held our heads so high

so we could see July.

We played the church and priest.

We couldn't reach.

I don't want to be a martyr.

I don't claim to be a saint.

I'm not fit to be a soldier

or a well respected name.

I don't want to be a preacher.

I don't want to be a guide.

I'm not fit to be a teacher

though I've tried.

Of Transitions

This may be one of the worst analogies I've ever drawn, but please bear with me.

My generation, our generation, is the generation that can characterize and mark our childhood and teenage years with the emergence of computer technology. We were the first generation to be trained on old DOS operating systems, the first generation required to take courses on computer technology, the first generation blessed with the delete button, and the first generation trained in Microsoft Office.

I remember making my very first Power Point presentation in Middle School. I remember the class where I was taught how to create slides and how to use Word Art. I remember being graded on my ability to duplicate a certain number of slides in a certain amount of time. I can remember being charged with designing creative presentations, and being graded on how well said presentation "flowed".

Do any of you remember slide and audio transitions in Power Point? I can remember that no presentation was complete without slide and audio transitions. To really make your presentation sparkle, you would animate your graphics, text boxes, and slides. Your grade was often substantially better if you knew how to incorporate this fun feature into your presentation. So we would rush through our preliminary color schemes and blocks of text to begin work on slide transitions.

You were given options like: dissolve, checker-box, left fade, up-fade, vertical-bars, etc. I'm not sure but I believe these options are still available in today's latest release of Office. Anyway, back on point, we always added these slide "transitions" to our presentations. The seemed to make the project flow seamlessly and captivate our adolescent audiences when we had to actually make an oral presentation.

I can remember, as we grew older and more mature, we stopped using slide transitions. Is this true for you as well? We were no longer fascinated by the grey bars bouncing across the screen or the random checker-box that would blink into the next slide. We recognized that, in the "business world", people really just wanted the information explained to them. No one cared about fancy, fun transitions. In fact, they were often considered a distraction and, even stranger, often were characteristic of a poorly designed presentation.

So, what happened? Why did we stop using transitions? Why and when did teachers, business moguls, and higher-ups began to consider their use childish and sloppy? When did we stop being fascinated by these "transitions".

The simple answer is that we grew up. In the same way that cartoons don't captivate us in the ways that they used to, we grew away. We don't need cartoons to placate us anymore. We don't need transitions anymore. We are able to focus. We are able to move on often seamlessly. Is this a characteristic of adulthood - the ability to operate without the need for transitions.

I'm now speaking about our own personal lives in regards to schooling, jobs, and relationships. Do we need a transition when moving from one job to the next? Do we need a sparkly transition when moving from one relationship to the next? Speaking on romantic relationships - most people, after being devastated by the ending of a relationship often seek a "rebound" - a "transition". Personally, I find the need or use of a "rebound" to be somewhat immature.

Now before you get angry with me and call me names and say "who the hell are you to tell me that I'm immature", let me clearly define what a "rebound", a "transition", is. My best definition of a rebound would be when one person seeks to fill a void in his/her life by "filling" that void with another person, another presence, or another relationship. When a romantic relationship ends, especially for those of us who have been involved in substantially long relationships, there IS a void created. You have all this free time on your hands. You have to begin to formulate new plans in your own life. You have to try to look past the storm and either travel into a different clear plain or resolve to wait out said storm.

It is no secret that to fill this "void" with a new presence or relationship does make our "transitional" period easier. We can better function in our day to day. We can better mask our pains. We can better hide behind someone else. AND we can simply fill up the empty spaces in our own lives with someone new. The void is temporarily filled. Man was never made to be alone, so it's no secret that he would not want to deal with his own life or problems on his own.

To be clear - I'm not saying that it's always a good idea to face your problems head on - alone. I'm not saying that God hasn't placed people in our lives to help us through tough time - believe me, I know He has and am truly grateful for such friends. I'm not saying that we shouldn't "lean" on others. I'm saying that we shouldn't fill our void with another similar presence. We shouldn't "replace" said void.

If you know anything about "rebounds" or "transitions" you know that they often fail. Why is that, one may ask. I believe that rebounds fail because we don't enter into these new relationships primarily because we feel something real. We enter into these new relationships because they make us feel comfortable; they fill that void. They make us FEEL good. They make us FEEL safe. They make us FEEL better. Too many problems in our own lives and in our world are caused because we love doing what we FEEL. Instead of doing what you FEEL, do what is BEST, do what is RIGHT. To operate seeking to feel good or to satisfy your own selfish feelings is a mark of immaturity; make no mistake.

The need to immediately fill a relational void in one's life after a recent fallout is a characteristic of human immaturity in my opinion.

The "mature" thing to do, again in my opinion, is to spend a transitional time bettering oneself. Spend a transitional time bettering friendships. Spend a transitional time making new and meaningful relationships. If you can do this, if you can work towards your own goals, if you can strengthen yourself with the help of you friends, THEN you will come out, in a month, in two months, in three months, however long it may take stronger, defined, directional, intentional, and BETTERED.

Spend time seeking out what YOU want for YOURSELF. Don't surround yourself with influences and people who think they know the ways of the world. How do you know if you're being "influenced", because we often don't see it and argue that it's even happening. Take a look at your life, before you began to fill a void or make a change. See if that change has caused you to compromise your values, your morals, or your core beliefs. If that change has caused any of that, then I can promise you beyond any doubt that you, my friend, are being "influenced". You aren't making your own decisions, but rather feeding off the opinions and conclusions of others. This is a mark of immaturity.

Sorry - that was a tangent.

Anyway…. I hope you caught the gist of my analogy and were possibly helped through my ramblings on.

A final word.

For friends I know who struggle with this.

If you are someone who desperate clings to human relationships and still can't help wanting to immediately fill the "void", know that there aren't many relationships that came into full fruition without being grown from a seed. In the same way that trees that are uprooted and planted elsewhere often die off quickly, romantic relationships that begin abruptly often die. If you spend your transitional time cultivating or making new meaningful relationships, getting to know people, and planting seeds, you may find that one day one of these seeds could grow and bloom into something more. Simply stated, you need to be friends with someone before you can be anything more (in my opinion).

AND NOW…….for some good musics and a CRAZY AWESOME DANCE VIDEO!

A Little Shimmy Never Hurt Anyone (Passion Pit Dance)

Bo King - Brittany Delaney - Alex Sibley

Damion Suomi - Ghost

Joseph Arthur - Say Goodbye

Today I Am An Abecedarian

(Kind of a sloppy Blog this morning because I'm tired and still have much studying to do)

Tomorrow Comes Soon?

Today I am an abecedarian.

Today I am a tiro.

Today I am learned.

Today I am prime.

Today I am an aficionado.

Today I am a devotee.

Today I am alone.

Today I am seeking.

Today I will ameliorate.

Today I will improve.

Today I will assay.

Today I will believe.

Believe.

Today I long.

Today I wait.

Today I struggle.

Today I fate.

Today I pine.

Today I trust.

Today I listen.

Today I must.

Today I mull.

Today I muse.

Today I ponder.

Today I choose.

Today I pray.

Today I heed.

Today I stutter.

Tomorrow, she will see.

There Tomorrow, we will be.

-Dragan Alexader

(follow me on Twitter)

(www.twitter.com/DraganAlexander)

He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven

“Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.”

- William Butler Yeats

Thoughts and Reflection

Such a beautiful passage. This particular piece struck home with me this week. To whom the author was addressing, I know not. I do personally believe he must have felt a great deal of love and devotion to have put to words such a feeling that I have often found difficult to express. I know the feeling very well. I hope that in the future, I'll have much more to offer than simply my dreams, although ones dreams and ambitions ARE in fact one of the greatest gifts to give to another; not to give up on ones dreams but to include another in their unfolding. I must say that my own dreams and ambitions are an extreme driving force in my own life and I long to share them with another one day soon. I pray each day now for a revelation in my own life. I pray each day now for true and unwavering love. Make no mistake my friends, love is very real. I believe whole heartedly that Mr. Lennon had it right when he said, "Love is all you need". Such a simplistic and yet profound statement. Thanks much John.

And now for some truly great new musics.

Ryan Adams and the Cardinals - Goodnight Rose

Ryan Adams and Neal Casal - Let It Ride